


and the rest (is silence)

by literatiruinedme



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate universe - Jyn leaves the rebellion, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Kissing, Pining, Post-Rogue One, Slow Burn, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, com-link sex, not talking when they should be talking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 01:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literatiruinedme/pseuds/literatiruinedme
Summary: Jyn leaves the rebellion after the events of Scarif and Rogue One, but they still count on her from time to time, always sending Cassian Andor to retrieve her or information she obtains for them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbird/gifts).



Cassian's voice was firm despite how fuzzy it came in through the comlink. “Stardust, they're home safe-”

_ Jyn, I've touched down. _

“Confirmation incoming at 08:00-”

_ I'll meet you at the rendezvous in eighty minutes. _

He hesitated. “Fulcrum, off.”

_ I love you. _

He hadn't said it- they'd barely  _ kissed _ before unless it was a cover -but they both knew they had feelings for each other, yet they were at a stalemate.

_ Say it. _ Jyn stared at the comlink in her hand.  _ Say it, _ a part of her said with growing impatience. She swallowed hard. Her thumb hovered over the button to call him back.  _ Say it! _ She sighed, admitting defeat as she brought the comlink closer to her lips. “Fulcrum, I copy,” she said simply. “Stardust, off.”

_ Coward. _

She frowned, slipping the comlink back into her breast pocket. “One day,” she whispered to herself as she leaned back against the thin walls of the cheapest lodging she could find for the night. She let her mind wonder as she tried to remain awake.

_ I'm happy, _ she'd lied to him a month into her freelancing for the rebellion. They left her alone on whatever planet she decided on, always sending Cassian to get information or bring her back, (not home, it wasn't  _ home _ ) though she never stayed in one place for too long and Jyn had an unintentional habit of making him earn his meals.  _ It's so freeing, Cassian. _

He'd smiled kindly, but even then she could see something she couldn't quite place looking back at her.

_ Hurt, _ she'd decided around the time they'd split off.  _ He was hurt. _ But it was too late to go back to him.

It was always too late. Her brain would finally give in to her heart, but always as soon as he'd gone and she just couldn't bring herself to say anything if it wasn't to his face. 

She let her eyes slip closed, unafraid to fall asleep as their rendezvous was close to where she was staying. She slept more after Scarif. Her nightmares were kriffing awful, but it was just too easy to sleep-

She woke to a knock at her door, tense at first, but when she heard Cassian's knock she let herself relax. “Hold on,” she called, pushing herself up from her small mass of pillows to walk to the door.

He almost smiled when he saw her. “You were late,” he said, allowing her to gesture him inside. He took a seat on the small couch pressed up against the wall next to the windows, waiting patiently for her to join him.

“Sorry,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “I fell asleep,” she continued, cocking her head of in the direction of the wall she'd been leaning against.

His brows furrowed when he followed her gaze. “On the floor?”

Jyn didn't meet his gaze when she nodded. She tried to walk past him, but froze when he caught her arm. “Cassian, let go,” she said, her voice quiet. She looked up when she felt him hesitate, holding his gaze as she tugged her arm free. She ventured over to the bag still packed at the end of her bed, rifling through it for the information she owed him.

“Jyn-”

“Let it go,” she interrupted, pulling out a small data chip. She turned and walked over to hand it to him, her gaze never straying from her hand. She bit back a noise when his fingers brushed hers. 

He sighed, looking down at the data chip as she turned away. “I can't sleep,” he admitted, making her freeze, her whole body going stiff. “If I could, I would avoid it all together.”

Jyn almost laughed. “I can't stop,” she said quietly. She turned her head, just barely looking over her shoulder. “Sleeping, that is.” She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.

“Too much has to be better than not enough, right?”

She almost laughed.

_ Almost. _

“Is it not?” He frowned, meeting her gaze when she turned.

“No,” she said bitterly. “No, it's awful. I've never felt so trapped in my life as I do when I'm sleeping.”

He pursed his lips, looking at her like he wanted to say more- to be fair, he always looked like he wanted to say more. 

She knew he did, they both did, but of course neither would speak. Speaking meant addressing what was between them and neither of them was ready for that.  So she took the seat beside him and they sat in silence, as they had done so many times before.

Talking was just too hard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew this wasn't going to only be two chapters.

She knew he wasn't _mad_ \- Cassian couldn't be mad at her for wanting to get out, but the look in his eyes when they stood together outside the off ramp of The Millennium Falcon made her chest tighten.

“You can always come back,” he said, his voice quiet but hopeful, a small smile on his lips. “Leaving doesn't have to be permanent.”

She gave him a weak, half there smile. “I know,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from telling him she just couldn't stay. She'd fought her fight, but her job was done. She couldn't do it anymore, it was all too painful.

He opened his mouth to speak, but paused when a voice behind them interrupted.

“Jyn, I'm ready when you-” They both looked up to see Han Solo about a third of the way down the exit ramp. He paused, pursing his lips. “I'm sorry, just...we’re ready when you are.” He turned, quickly retreating up the ramp before either could stop him.

They looked back at one another and Cassian produced a comlink from his pocket, holding it out to her. Her brows furrowed as she looked up at him. “What's this?” She asked, biting the inside of her cheek when she chastised herself for asking a stupid question. “I mean-” She paused, sighing after a moment. She reached forward, taking the comlink, her fingers tingling when they brushed the warm skin of his palm. She held it up between them, looking at him. “Why?”

He gave her a sad smile. “Just...for if you need anything,” he said, looking down at their boots for a moment, as if working up his courage before he met her gaze again. “Don't hesitate to com if you need me.”

She gave him a small smile, suddenly feeling brave as she leaned up on the tips of her toes to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” she said, tucking the comlink into her breast pocket. “For everything, Cassian, I really mean it.”

His smile grew, a blush spreading over his cheeks. “Thank you for helping me find my hope again,” he said quietly.

She shrugged, swaying further into his personal space. “You just needed reminding you aren't _only_ a spy,” she said.

He hummed, absentmindedly reaching out to rest his hand on her hip.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

They both knew she'd stay if he asked. She could see that wanted to ask by the look in his eyes, _and, Force, did she want him to ask her-_ but instead they stayed silent.

She turned when Han appeared again, his features tight with ramorce. “Erso, I really don't want to rush you two, but the flight director is getting a little testy,” he said, frowning apologetically at the pair.

Jyn nodded, looking back to Cassian. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. “I'll miss you,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut when he held her tighter than he had on the beach on Scarif.

“I'll miss you, too,” he breathed in her ear.

They pulled apart reluctantly, Jyn reached down for her bag and gave him one last small smile before she turned towards The Falcon.

“Jyn?” He said, making her heart stop as she turned to look at him. _Ask me to stay,_ she begged silently. _Ask me to stay here, to stay with you, Cassian, please-_ His jaw clenched and she felt her heart break. “Have a safe flight,” he said quietly, not looking up to meet her gaze.

Jyn swallowed hard, nodding her head before she turned on a heal. “Thank you, Cassian,” she said over her shoulder before disappearing into The Falcon.

She walked through the old ship towards the cockpit, dropping her bag as she took a seat behind Han and kicked her feet up on the chair opposite her. She reached up to pull her necklace free from her shirt, running her fingers along the crystal.

Han turned back to her with a frown. “You okay, kid?” He asked softly.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, not looking up her her kyber necklace. She blinked her eyes, trying to rid the burn of what she knew to be tears as she looked over at Han, his hand resting reassuringly on her shoulder.

“Give me a minute to get us off the ground and then we can talk,” he said, offering her a small smile. “That sound good?” He asked, squeezing her shoulder gently.

She nodded, sniffing as she watched him and Chewy run through the motions of getting the ship in the air and setting a course for the midrim planet they were dropping her off at before he took her by the hand and dragged her back to the privacy of his quarters.

Back when they were younger, when they were more reckless, before Leia and- well, it didn’t matter, he had Leia regardless - _we can talk_ meant screwing in a back room with the lights off while they just tried to scratch a proverbial _itch_ . Now, it meant him hugging her tightly while she finally broke down, not even willing to admit _why_ she was doing so to herself. She'd known Cassian maybe a month, and she couldn't deny how deeply he'd rooted himself within her, how much she'd affected him- but she shouldn't have been so broken up over him. He wasn’t anyone special. People came and went.

He just hurt more than most.

But she really did love Han; he didn't ask questions or try to make her talk afterwards. They just laid on his bed, her head on his shoulder as she curled up against his side. He whispered reassuring words when she needed it, but other than that they stayed silent until she inevitably fell asleep, to tired from crying herself out.

She’d be okay- she would always be okay, and maybe it’d take a little longer this time, but she would be okay.

* * *

Jyn fell back into planet hopping as if no time had passed at all. She would admit, it was fun for a little bit, but the nostalgia quickly faded into something far more...empty, an almost hollow feeling in her chest that she just couldn’t place.

So inevitably, she got herself into trouble.

Being chased by a handful of troopers was nothing new, but what _was_ new was the hand that shot out of a random alleyway, tugging her in and pressing her against a wall before she could so much as process what was happening. What was new was a set of lips on hers, the accompanying fireworks cutting off the part of her brain that would normally tell her to kick her assailant where they were most sensitive and run. Logic would dictate she should run, but she was frozen, unable to move and breathe in all the best ways.

She tensed when she heard boots approaching. The hand of the person kissing her- definitely human based on the feel of their body pressed to hers, their soft lips, and their tongue slipping into her mouth -fell to her hip. The feel of their thumb brushing back and forth over the thick fabric of her shirt in an effort to calm her somehow managed to send a shiver up her spine and she couldn’t help but moan into their mouth, fisting the fabric of their puffy coat in her hands. She melted against the mystery pair of lips- _totally and completely as a means of effectively fooling any passersby, of course_. She blinked rapidly when the troopers finally set off in a different direction and the person kissing her pulled back. She bit the tip of her tongue when her gaze met the deep brown eyes that had been haunting her dreams since they had first locked with hers. “Cassian?”

“You need to be more careful,” he said softly, smiling down at her.

Jyn stared, still trying to catch her breath, completely unsure of what to say. “How'd you find me?” She asked, still trying to figure out how to use her brain again. She gave him a quick once over, not entirely sure he was real. He hadn't changed much in the month she was gone, but his hair had grown a little longer, flopping in his eyes more than before and he'd shaved his face so his skin was covered in less stubble than before.

He still had on way too many layers; it still made her bite back a smile.

He let out a low chuckle, sparking something she didn't recognise low in the pit of her stomach. “You're not going to like it.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Try me,” Jyn tempted, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared him down.

He sighed, inching closer as he reached into his back pocket, suddenly reminding her of the very skinny alleyway they were in, their bodies still pressed firmly together. “Based on the amount of people _chasing_ you-” He held a paper out to her between his middle and forefinger. “I'm assuming you're bored, so you may actually enjoy this.”

Jyn's brows furrowed as she reached up to the paper, unfolding it carefully. She frowned at the jiberish scribbled down. “What is this?” She asked, looking back up at him,

“That all depends,” he said, barely holding back his bright smile. “Would you be interested in doing some freelance work for the Rebellion?”

“Freelance work?” She asked. “Does the Rebellion _do_ freelance?”

He nodded slowly, then paused, looking up as he thought. “Well,” he said, meeting her gaze again. “It depends the person.”

“And why am I so special?” She asked, smirking up at him.

“You had a few advocates,” he said, the corner of his lips ticking up in a small smile. “Namely a certain princess and your favourite spy.”

She raised a brow. “Draven likes me now?” She teased, laughing when Cassian rolled his eyes.

“Do you want the gig or not?”

“What’s it entail?” Jyn asked before she could stop herself.

“Well,” he began. “Depending on where you are at the moment, you'll get small missions. This one-” He pointed to the paper. “Has to do with you getting a few numbers. Nothing high risk, we'll cover you if needed, and they'll pay credits.”

Jyn pursed her lips, looking down at the paper he'd given her. “Cassian,” she frowned. “I don't know-”

“I'll be your contact,” he rushed out, pursing his lips when she looked up at him. He swallowed, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck shyly. “You would only be dealing with me,” he said slower this time, clearing his throat before he continued. “No other personnel directly involved unless they need to be.”

She sighed, swallowing hard as she weighed her options. _Say yes,_ a small voice whispered. _You miss him terribly._ She bit her bottom lip before nodding slowly. “Okay,” Jyn breathed, watching a grin break out on his lips. “I’ll do it.”

“You will?” He asked, beaming down at her.

“Yes,” Jyn nodded, chuckling when he wrapped his arms round her again. She opened her mouth to speak, ready to tell him to let go of her, but she caught a whiff of dirt and blaster oil and something so distinctly Cassian, it made her chest tighten and she couldn’t help but hug him tighter. “I missed you,” she breathed, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

He chortled, relaxing in her arms. “I missed you so much,” he said, holding her tighter. “Bodhi's out of his mind without you,” he said suddenly. “In all honesty, we all are.”

She laughed as he pulled back. “But Bodhi has Chirrut and Baze,” she teased. “And you-” She paused when she saw Cassian's subtle frown. “Hey,” she said softly, reaching up to cup his cheek. “What is it?”

He shrugged, looking down at her shoulder. “They miss you, Jyn,” he said before he paused, glancing up at her with a sad look in his eyes. “We all do.”

Her lips ticked up in a soft smile as she brought her free hand up to his other cheek, trapping his face between her hands. She pulled his head down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I missed you, too, Cassian,” she admitted.

He mirrored her smiled, leaning into her touch. “Come on,” he breathed, reaching up to cover her hands with his own, pulling them away, but not letting go. “If you want to do this I need to go over some things with you on the ship.”

Jyn nodded. “Let's go,” she said, letting him pull her out of the alleyway.

They walked in silence until her mind wandered back to their kiss. “Cassian?”

He hummed in acknowledgement, not taking his eyes away from where they were heading.

“Do you always do that...swirling thing with your tongue?” She asked, looking up at him through her lashes.

“Swirling thing?” He muttered under his breath, more to himself than to her. “What swirling thing?” He asked.

“When you kissed me,” she said, the words tasting funny in her mouth. “Do you always swirl your tongue like that?”

“Oh,” he said softly, his cheeks going red. “Sometimes,” he said, looking down at their feet. “Usually only with-” He paused. “Never mind.” Jyn slowed, brows furrowing as she looked at him. Cassian stopped almost immediately, turning to look at her. “What?”

“What were you going to say?”

“Nothing,” he said, shrugging his shoulders unconvincingly. He sighed when she let go of her hands to cross her arms over her chest. “It’s really nothing important,” he elaborated. “I promise, Jyn,” he said, holding his hand out to her again, waiting until she took it reluctantly. “Come on, let's go. I’m sure you’re just _dying_ to see Kay.”

“Oh, I want nothing more,” Jyn said, letting him thread his fingers through hers as he tugged her off again. She stayed quiet for a moment. “This isn't over, you know that, right?”

Cassian laughed. “If you gave anything up without a fight I might drop dead from shock,” he teased, squeezing her hand.

“Just making sure,” she said, looking forward again.

They continued to walk, easily falling into their usual comfortable silence.


End file.
